Tasteless Joke Thread

Jarvis A. Agastine Dumb Turtle Posts: 88	Tasteless Joke Thread Jan 22, 2015 19:00:46 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Jarvis A. Agastine on Jan 22, 2015 19:00:46 GMT Post the most offensive, volatile shit you can imagine here. Leave your humanity at the door. I'll start. What's worse than the Holocaust? SPOILER: Click to show Six million jews
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Juan Handed Chef Dumb Turtle Posts: 67	Tasteless Joke Thread Jan 22, 2015 19:03:31 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Juan Handed Chef on Jan 22, 2015 19:03:31 GMT What can a baby do that a rock can't? SPOILER: Click to show Pleasure you...
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GamerGurl New Bot Posts: 3	Tasteless Joke Thread Jan 22, 2015 19:03:43 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by GamerGurl on Jan 22, 2015 19:03:43 GMT omg that is so offensive

php(JT) Administrator Posts: 50	Tasteless Joke Thread Jan 22, 2015 19:04:39 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by php(JT) on Jan 22, 2015 19:04:39 GMT Thats almost as funny as teh clown that got shot for being dumb

Jarvis A. Agastine Dumb Turtle Posts: 88	Tasteless Joke Thread Jan 22, 2015 19:05:33 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Jarvis A. Agastine on Jan 22, 2015 19:05:33 GMT Jan 22, 2015 19:03:43 GMT GamerGurl said: omg that is so offensive I'm offensive and I find this black.
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Juan Handed Chef Dumb Turtle Posts: 67	Tasteless Joke Thread Jan 22, 2015 19:06:33 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Juan Handed Chef on Jan 22, 2015 19:06:33 GMT What do you call a homosexaul in a wheelchair? SPOILER: Click to show SPOILER: Click to show Rolaids
	Last Edit: Jan 22, 2015 19:07:09 GMT by Juan Handed Chef ORDER UP!!!

Juan Handed Chef Dumb Turtle Posts: 67	Tasteless Joke Thread Jan 22, 2015 19:08:05 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Juan Handed Chef on Jan 22, 2015 19:08:05 GMT How many cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs? SPOILER: Click to show None...He ... "fell"
	Last Edit: Jan 22, 2015 19:08:23 GMT by Juan Handed Chef ORDER UP!!!

Jarvis A. Agastine Dumb Turtle Posts: 88	Tasteless Joke Thread Jan 22, 2015 19:08:25 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Jarvis A. Agastine on Jan 22, 2015 19:08:25 GMT What's the difference between Santa Clause and a Jew? SPOILER: Click to show Santa comes down the chimney.
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Jarvis A. Agastine Dumb Turtle Posts: 88	Tasteless Joke Thread Jan 22, 2015 19:10:00 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Jarvis A. Agastine on Jan 22, 2015 19:10:00 GMT Why do all blacks have nightmares? SPOILER: Click to show Because we killed the only one with a dream.
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Jarvis A. Agastine Dumb Turtle Posts: 88	Tasteless Joke Thread Jan 22, 2015 19:12:20 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Jarvis A. Agastine on Jan 22, 2015 19:12:20 GMT How do you pick up a Jewish girl? SPOILER: Click to show With a dustbin
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Jarvis A. Agastine Dumb Turtle Posts: 88	Tasteless Joke Thread Jan 26, 2015 17:55:40 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Jarvis A. Agastine on Jan 26, 2015 17:55:40 GMT i sorry
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Juan Handed Chef Dumb Turtle Posts: 67	Tasteless Joke Thread Jan 26, 2015 17:57:19 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Juan Handed Chef on Jan 26, 2015 17:57:19 GMT I'm offensive and I find this awesome.
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Jarvis A. Agastine Dumb Turtle Posts: 88	Tasteless Joke Thread Jan 26, 2015 17:58:04 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Jarvis A. Agastine on Jan 26, 2015 17:58:04 GMT Jan 26, 2015 17:57:19 GMT Juan Handed Chef said: I'm offensive and I find this awesome. You have good taste, sir.
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Juan Handed Chef
Dumb Turtle

Posts: 67

Tasteless Joke Thread Jan 26, 2015 19:07:48 GMT

Quote

Post by Juan Handed Chef on Jan 26, 2015 19:07:48 GMT

Hermmmm Html plz? ctrl p that, ctrl v that... save as .html

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Incredibly Offensive Jokes

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Just... don't read these, okay?  If you do read

them, don't fucking complain.



 

<ol>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a homosexual in a wheelchair?

Rolaids.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between a joke and two dicks?

You can't take a joke.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's black and screams? Stevie Wonder answering the

iron.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How many cops does it take to push a black man down

the stairs? None... he fell.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the best part of sex with a transvestite?

Reaching around and pretending it went all the way through.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between Hitler and Michael

Phelps? Phelps can finish a race.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



I ran into Hitler. I was surprised to see him and

asked him what he was up to? He said "This time I am going to kill 6

million Jews and two clowns!" "Two Clowns? Why are you going to kill two

clowns?" "See? Nobody cares about zee Jews."

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



A white woman and a black man are dancing at a club,

and after a while things start to get hot and heavy. After some heavy

kissing and petting, the woman makes the suggestion that they return to

her apartment for the night. When the couple arrives at the woman's apartment, they begin passionately

kissing and undressing each other, preparing to have frenzied and

unrepentant sex with each other. However, the white woman, curious as she was, asked the black guy as he

was taking off his pants, "before you take them off....is it true what

they say about black guys?" With a suave yet sinister look, he looked into her eyes and said "baby, of

course." He then proceeded to stab her and ran out with her purse.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?

I don't cry when I'm cutting up the hooker.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



A guy goes to a whorehouse and tells the madam he

only wants to spend 5 bucks. The madam thinks for a bit, then says,

"Betsy. She's down the hall, last door on the left." The guy walks down, sees Betsy -- she's not the best looking, but she

would do. He puts it in and it's the worst feeling he's ever had on his

dick -- like sandpaper and teeth. He pulls out and tells her. "Um.

something's wrong, can you do something about that?" Betsy crinkles her

face, then says, "Why of course! But it will run you another five bucks."

She pockets the fiver and goes to the bathroom and is back in no time. 

 The guy puts it back in and now, it's the complete opposite: it's the best

feeling he's ever had, and finishes in a flash. Panting, he asks her, "oh

my god... that felt amazing... what did you do??" Betsy smiles, and says,

"for the extra five bucks, I pick the scabs."

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What did the leper say to the prostitute? Keep the

tip!

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?

None.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What does a Jew with an erection get when he walks

into a wall? A broken nose.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's a Jew's biggest dilemma? Free ham.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do Jewish pedophiles say? "Hey kid, want to buy

some candy?"

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the worst thing about getting your keys locked

in your car outside an abortion clinic? Having to go in to ask for a coat

hanger.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Three pregnant women are sitting in a doctors waiting

room knitting. Mom 1 checks her watch and takes a pill "Vitamin C, good

for mom, good for baby." Mom 2 takes a pill and says, "Vitamin A, good for

mom, good for baby." Mom 3 takes a pill and says, "Thalidomide...I can't

knit sleeves."

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



I would tell a Casey Anthony joke, but my mom would

kill me...

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between a Catholic priest and

acne? Acne doesn't come on a boys face until he's 13.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



So I was balls deep in this guy thrusting as hard as

I could when I reached around to give him a hand job. Guess what? That

fucker had an erection. What. Queer.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



The worst part about being a pedophile is trying to

fit in.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



A man walks past girl with no arms or legs sitting by

a pool. The girl says to the man, "Excuse me sir, I've never been fucked

and in my condition no one would want to fuck me. Will you please fuck

me?" So the man kicks her into the pool and says, "There, you're fucked."

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



A guy called into work and says, "Hey, boss! 

What's the difference between work and your daughter?" ... "I'm not coming

into work this morning!"

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



God gave women yeast infections so that they would

know what it was like living with an irritating cunt for once.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of

your grandmother's pussy? Sucking out thirteen of them and realizing you

only put in a dozen.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What does a baby look like after a minute in the

microwave? I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



A baby seal walked into a club...

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



I was raping a woman the other night and she cried,

"Please, think of my children!" Kinky bitch.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Have you heard the joke about the baby with AIDS? It never gets old. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's so good about an Ethiopian blow job? You just KNOW she'll swallow. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



I lost my virginity to a retarded girl last night... I wanted my first

time to be special.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What does it taste like when you go down on an old

lady?  Depends...

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why did the semen cross the road? I wore the wrong

socks today.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Little Johnny is staying at his grandmother's house

for the weekend with his parents. He walks into their room in the middle

of the night and wakes his mother. His mother says "What is it Johnny?".

Little Johnny says "Grandma has a shrimpy"! His mother looks at him

puzzled. "She has a WHAT?" Johnny says "A Shrimpy!" His mother has no idea

what little Johnny is talking about. His mother says "Come show me what

you're talking about". Little Johnny leads his mother downstairs where his

85 year old grandmother is lying sprawled out on the sofa in her

night-gown. Her gown is wide open and so are her legs. She is sound

asleep. Johnny says to his mother "Look mommy, Grandma has a shrimpy". He

points to her vaginHis mother laughs. "No, no, Johnny, that's not a shrimpy. That's her vagina". Little Johnny looks up at his mother and says

"Wow! Sure does taste like shrimpy".

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between jam and jelly? I don't

jelly my cock down a bitches throat.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What is the difference between a gay guy and a

fridge? The fridge doesn't fart when you pull meat out.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you get a fat girl into bed?  Piece of

cake.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How are children like cellphones? If you've lost one

and haven't found it in a couple days, chances are it's probably dead.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between Sara Palin's mouth and

her vagina? Retarded things only come out of her vagina SOME of the time.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the best part about raping a baby?  It

makes your dick look HUGE!

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the best part about raping a four year old

boy?  Watching him cry on the witness stand.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How long does it take to cook a baby in a microwave? 

I don't know... I can't tell time with an erection.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between a priest and acne? 

Acne waits until puberty to come on a kid's face.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you get if you cross an elephant with a

poodle?   A dead poodle with an 18 inch wide asshole.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why does it take longer for a woman to orgasm than a

man?  Who cares?

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between a black guy and a

pizza?  A pizza can feed a family of four.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call four klansman pushing a pickup

truck?  White power.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a black guy who flies a plane? 

A pilot, you racist asshole!

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between a rock and a dead baby? 

You can't fuck a rock.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you say to a woman with two black eyes? 

Nothing... you already told her twice.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why do black men cry during sex?  Mace.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between a black guy and Batman? 

A black guy can't go out at night without Robin.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's white and fourteen inches long?  Nothing.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How many white guys does it take to screw in a

lightbulb?  The number doesn't matter because the white man will

screw anything.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What does a white woman make for dinner? 

Reservations.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a white guy surrounded by five black

guys?  Coach.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a white guy surrounded by eleven black guys? 

Football coach.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a white guy surrounded by hundreds of black guys? 

Warden.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a white woman with a yeast

infection?  Cracker with cheese.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What does a tampon and a white woman have in common? 

They're both stuck up cunts.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole

into a 40mm hole? A pedophile.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game?

Before the First Period. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you swat 200 flies at one time?  Hit an Ethiopian in the face

with a frying pan. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What is a redneck virgin?  A seven year old that can run faster than

her brothers. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? You would too if you were named

Auuurraaagggghhh! 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What is the most positive thing in harlem? HIV. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why do Jewish girls like to fuck doggy style? They can't stand to see

somebody else have a good time. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? One stops sucking

when you slap it. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between a British man and his girlfriend? His

girlfriend has a higher sperm count.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why is there so little Puerto Rican literature? Because spray paint wasn't

invented until 1949. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you know if a Chinese person robs your house? Your homework is

done, your computer is upgraded, but two hours later, the fucker is still

trying to back out of your driveway. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the first thing a redneck says after losing her virginity? Get off

of me Dad, you're crushing my cigarettes. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do rednecks and KFC have in common? They do chicken right. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



In Kentucky, what do divorces and tornados have in common? Either way,

someone is going to lose a trailer. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why do the Scottish wear kilts? Because a sheep can hear a zipper from

like a mile away. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What does a Cuban do when he gets a flat tire? Drowns 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Two Muslims jump off the top of a very tall

building. Which one his the ground first? Who gives a fuck? 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's so good about an Ethiopian blow-job? You know she'll swallow. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why did the redneck cross the road? Because he couldn't get his dick out

of the chicken. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection? Quarter pounder with

cheese. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you kill 100 Mexicans? Blow up their van. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call five Mexicans on the bottom of a pool? Cinco 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's black and blue and hates sex? A rape victim. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between a blonde and a washing machine? They both

drip when they're fucked. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What did the little black boy say when he got diarrhea? I'm melting! 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a fat Chinese person? A chunk. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What did the little Mexican boy get for Christmas? My bike. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How are fat bitches and Mo-peds the same? They are both fun to ride, but

you don't tell your friends about them. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How many house wives does it take to screw in a light bulb? None! what the

Fuck they doing out of the kitchen!? 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you blindfold a chinese person? Dental floss. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn't scream

when you put it in the oven! 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why do black people play basketball? They can run, shoot, and steal 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What did Adolf Hitler get his neice for her birthday? An easy bake oven. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between St. Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King

Day? On St. Patrick's Day, everyone wants to be Irish. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call an Ethiopian on a hunger strike? Ethiopian 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why don't Puerto Ricans have check books? Because it's impossible to sign

your name that small with spray paint. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you know when a redneck has her period? She's only wearing one

sock. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call an Ethiopian with buck teeth? A rake. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you stop 5 black guys from raping a white girl? Throw them a basket

ball. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a hooker with a runny nose? Full 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Whats the difference between a Pakie & a bucket of shit? The bucket.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call two Ethiopians in a sleeping bag? Twix.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you get 100 ethiopians into a phone box? Throw

a tin of beans in.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you get them out? Run past with a tin opener. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you do after you rape a 12 year old deaf dumb and blind girl?

Break her fingers so she cant tell her mom. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why doesn't Mexico enter the Olympics? Because all their best runners,

jumpers and swimmers are in America. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How did the Grand Canyon get there? Two Jews dropped a quarter down a

gopher hole. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you kill a redneck? Wait 'till he fucks his sister then cut the

brakes on his house. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you kill 100 Ethiopians? Throw a Biscuit off a cliff. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you do when you see someone having a seizure in a bathtub? Throw

in a load of dirty laundry. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is

made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with. The other is

used to carry groceries. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you really piss off your girlfriend while having sex? Call her on

the phone. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What did the pedophile say when he was released from prison?  "I feel

like a kid again." 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you get when cross an Italian with a gorilla?  A retarded

gorilla. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why could Jesus walk on water? Shit Floats. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you get wne you cross a black man and a Mexican.  A person

who's too lazy to steal. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What was good about the million man march? Only three people missed work. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you do when your woman's watch breaks? Nothing there's a clock on

the stove. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek? They won't work in the

future either. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do gay guys call an upside down chair?   A table for four.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the useless skin around a vagina called? The

woman. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why are KFC and a woman the same? When you're done eating them all you

have left is a greasy box to put your bone in. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you keep an Indian out of your back yard?  Move the trash cans

to the front. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why did God give women three more brain cells than cows? So they don't

shit on the floor while doing the dishes.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why is Tylenol white?  It works. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why do Jews have big noses?  Because air is free. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's a homeless woman use for a vibrator?  Two flies in a bottle. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why was Helen Keller such a bad driver? She was a woman 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Do you wanna hear a joke?  Women's Rights. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the new definition for mass confusion?  Fathers day in Harlem. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why shouldn't women have driver's licenses? There's no roads between the

kitchen and the bedroom. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a Mexican with a sunburn? A REFRIED BEAN 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a white Orgy? A snowball

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a Black Orgy? Mud Wrestling

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a Mexican Orgy? FAMILY REUNION! 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between a Jew and a Canoe? A canoe tips 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do 3 million abused women do wrong every year? They don't fucking

listen 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the worst thing about eating vegetables? Putting them back in the

wheelchair when you're done. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the chin. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a bunch of white guys running down a hill? An avalanche.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a bunch of black guys running down a hill? A mudslide

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a bunch of mexicans running down a hill? A jailbreak 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



I'm not racist, I have a color TV. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why does helen keller masturbate with one hand? So she can moan with the

other 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?  Yea,

they named it, Sum Ting Wong!! 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Have you heard about the new car designed by the Jews? It stops on a dime

and then picks it up. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call four Mexicans in quicksand?  Cuatro cinco. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How many irish does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two!  One to

hold it in place and the other to drink intill the room spins. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Did you hear about the two car pile up in Mexico?  200 Mexicans died. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?  None, they just

sit in the dark and bitch. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What is the difference between a Russian and a bag of shit?  Nothing. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?  You

can unscrew a light bulb. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the best thing about fucking homeless girls? When you're done, you

can drop 'em off anywhere. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do fags call their balls?  "Mud flaps" 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What happens when you stick your hand in a bowl full of black jelly beans? 

You get your watch stolen. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's long and hard on a black man?  The first grade. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why did Raggedy Ann get kicked out of the toy box?  She sat on

Pinocchio' s face and said "lie to me!" 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury dough boy? 

A red headed bitch with a yeast infection. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you get a nun pregnant?  Dress her up like an altar boy. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why can't Stevie Wonder read?  Because he's black. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you do when your dishwasher doesn't work?  Slap her.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why did the feminist cross the road?  To suck my

cock.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a gay guy in a sleeping bag?  A

fruit roll up.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



If a black guy, a Mexican, and a redneck are all in a

car together, who's driving?   The police.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's better than taking home the gold in the

Special Olympics?   Not being retarded!

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do priests and Santa Claus have in common? 

They both leave little boy's rooms with empty sacks.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Studies show that 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why does Jesus hate M&Ms?  They keep falling

through his hands.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a

Disney movie?  Disney movies can still touch little kids.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Oxymorons: Loving God, airplane good, government

intelligence, religious tolerance, and black people.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a barn full of elderly black people? 

Antique farm equipment.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you get a one-armed Scotsman out of a tree? 

Wave.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why don't Afghan schools teach drivers ed and sex ed

the same day?  The camel would get too tired.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How is locking your keys in your car like getting

your girlfriend pregnant?  The problem is easily solved with a coat

hanger.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a black woman who has had a dozen

abortions?  A crime fighter.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



A man enters a pharmacy and asks for birth control

pills for his wife and his seven year-old daughter. The pharmacist is a

little shocked and says, "Your seven year-old daughter is sexually

active!?" "No," replies the man. "She just sort of lays there."

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Did you hear about the guy who was into sadism,

necrophilia, and bestiality?  He gave it up because he was flogging a

dead horse.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



An Indian man dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates. "Yes, how can I help?" asks St Peter. "I’m here to meet Jesus," says the Indian man. St Peter looks over his shoulder and shouts, "Jesus, your cab is here!"

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why is a truckload of babies different from a

truckload of babies?  You can't unload a truckload of bowling balls

with a pitchfork.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's red, slimy, and crawls up a woman's leg? 

A homesick abortion.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do I get when I stab a baby with a knife? 

An erection.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a redneck with two sheep?  A

pimp.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How many times does a redneck laugh at a joke? 

Three times:  Once when it's told, once when it's explained, and once

when he finally gets it.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why are murders easy to commit in West Virginia? 

Because everyone there has the same DNA.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why would you wrap a hamster in duct tape?  So

it won't explode when you fuck it!

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Did you hear about the new birth control they've

introduced to West Virginia?  They've b& family reunions!

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



My girlfriend told me I was a pedophile.  That's

an awfully big word for a nine year-old.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the definition of a woman?  Life support

system for pussy.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the worst way to spend Easter?  Getting

crucified.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do they separate men from boys in San Francisco? 

With a crowbar.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a redneck who does well on an IQ

test?  A cheater.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you get a racist to laugh on a Sunday? Tell

them a joke on Friday. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between a racist and a bucket of shit? The bucket. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why is a racist like a drunk? Because whatever they say ends in a slur. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why is a racist like a dog? Because they both mark out territory by

spraying walls. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's red and white and peels itself? A white supremacist trying to get a

suntan. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the definition of confused? A white supremacist watching the mens

100m sprint. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you get when you cross a white supremacist with a donkey? Someone

who thinks the sun shines out of their own ass. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why is a white supremacist like the announcer at track meet? Because they

both start shouting the instant they see a new race. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between a schoolyard racist and Adolf Hitler?

Opportunity. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What are the best four years of a redneck's life? Sixth grade. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why do white supremacists hang around in gangs? So they can form a dope

ring. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why didn't the white supremacist cross the road? She was afraid of the

other side. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How many white supremacists does it take to change a light bulb? None -

racists hate being enlightened. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Have you heard about the white supremacist who choked on his yoghurt?

Someone told him it grew out of a foreign culture. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why do white supremacists compete with others on the basis of color?

Because if they competed on brains, they'd lose. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why did the white supremacists punch out the immigrants? Because if you

can't join 'em, beat 'em. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How many men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Let the bitch do the ironing in the dark. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How many women does it take to change a light bulb? 11, 10 to form a

committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to do it. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How many divorced Men does it take to screw in a light bulb? Who knows;

they never get the house. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How many divorced Women does it take to screw in a light bulb? 4,1 to

screw in the bulb, 3 to form a support group.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What is the difference between a battery and a woman?

A battery has a positive side. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What does a beer bottle and a guy have in common? There both empty from

the neck up. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the best thing about a blow job? Ten minutes silence. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why do men have a hole in their penis? So they can get air to their brain. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's a man's idea of safe sex? A padded headboard.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the smartest thing to come out of a woman's

mouth? Einstein's cock. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it! 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why does the bride always wear white? Because it is good for the

dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why do hunters make the best lovers? Because they go deep in the bush,

shoot more than once and they eat what they shoot. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How can you tell which is the head nurse? The one with the dirty knees. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a

positive side. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Did you hear about the new paint called "Blonde" paint? It's not very

bright, but it spreads easy. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A hooker can

wash her crack and sell it again! 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? When you take it off you

wonder where her tits went. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why do men pay more than women for car insurance? Because women don't get

blow jobs while they're driving. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you piss off a female archeologist?? Give her a used tampon and ask

her what period it comes from 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the

time she brings it to you.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you know when a woman’s about to say something

smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a white man who can dance? 

Gay.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



The best kind of sex is makeup sex.  It also

assures that son doesn't pick fights with me anymore.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



A devout man calls his mom and says, "Mom, I've got

some good news and some bad news...  The good new is, I've been

elected Pope!"  The mother screams in delight for a few minutes and

then says, "What's the bad news?"  The man says, "The bad news is, I

have to move to an Italian neighborhood."

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between snot and cauliflower? 

 Kids will eat snot.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



When I was young I used to struggle keeping my colors

inside the lines. At my new job at Immigration Control however, they do as

they're fucking told.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



I gave my blind grandmother a guide dog named "Sit." 

Now it won't take her anywhere.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What do you call 50 Puerto Ricans in a room with 50 lesbians?  A

hundred people who won't do dick!

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What does a barn and an alter boy have in common?  They've both

probably had a cock inside them.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

A guy tells his wife that he's going fishing.  His wife starts to

complain because she says he never takes her anywhere, so he tells her,

"Fine, you can come fishing with me and the dog tomorrow!"  The next

morning, the husband wakes up and wakes his wife.  Now she's seen

that her manipulation has worked a little too well and says, "I don't want

to go fishing."  The husband is upset.  "You bitched and whined

about wanting to go somewhere with me and now you don't want to go?  

Fine, you don't have to go... but you're either going to suck my dick or

you're going to let me fuck you in the ass."  The wife says, "Let me

think about it for a minute."  The husband agrees and he leaves her

to get things ready for his trip.  She he comes back, she says, "I

don't want to go fishing and I'm not about to let you fuck me in the ass,

so I guess I'll just suck your dick."  He whips it out and she starts

sucking, but then stops. "Jesus Christ!  Your dick tastes like shit!" 

The husband says, "Yeah, the dog didn't want to go fishing either."

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 25px; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); display: inline !important; float: none;">Why did the kindergartener drop his book? Assault rifle rounds do make you

drop things.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 25px; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); display: inline !important; float: none;">Africans have the best drinking games. Like; the last one to find the

water dies…

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How many Mexicans does it take to build a fence? 

I don't know... I only own blacks.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



“I’ve got a new nickname for you,” I told my

wife today. “What is it?” she asked. “Bambi,” I replied. “Aww, is that

‘cause I’ve got beautiful eyes?” she asked. “No, it’s because I’ve just

killed your mom,” I replied.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between a hamburger and a

dead baby? I don't fuck the hamburger before I eat it.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the difference between a baby and a washing machine?  A

washing machine doesn't cry when you drop a load in it.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Gay jokes are never funny.  Cum on guys!

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Three pregnant women are knitting sweaters for their babies at the OB/GYN

waiting room.  The first one takes a pill out of her purse and says,

"I want my baby to have a strong nervous system, so I'm taking a folate

pill." The second one takes a pill out of her purse and says, "I want my

baby to have healthy blood, so I'm taking an iron pill." The third one

takes a pill out of her purse and says, "This is thalidomide." The other

two women look in horror. "WHY?!" The third one calmly replies, "I just

fucked up the sleeves on this sweater."

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

I really hate how politically correct the world is getting. I cant even

say "Black paint" anymore, I have to say "Hey Jamal, can you please paint

that wall for me?"

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

A father walks into a pharmacy, goes to the counter and asks the

pharmacist about getting birth control for his 11 year old daughter. "My

god, your 11 year old is sexually active!" the pharmacist exclaims. The

dad replies "not really, she just lies there and cries."

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

"Your generation is too reliant on technology," said my grandpa. "No, your

generation is too reliant on technology," I retorted as I pulled the plug

on his life support to further prove my point.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How is a tumbleweed a lot like a gay guy? They blow and blow until they

end up stuck on a fence in Wyoming

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's America's oldest red wine? "I want my land back!"

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

My wife walked in on me fucking our daughter. I don't know which made her

more surprised, that I was fucking our daughter or the fact the hospital

let me keep the stillborn.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How does every black joke start?

 With a look over your shoulder.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How do you kill 15 flies at once? Slap an African child in the face

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Well,

obviously not eight because my basement is still dark.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline? I take my

shoes off when I jump on the trampoline.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: rgb(253, 253, 255); display: inline !important; float: none;">How do you make a dead baby look cute?

 Staple it to a puppy.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: rgb(253, 253, 255); display: inline !important; float: none;">What's worse than stapling a baby to a wall? Ripping it off.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Why can't you fool an aborted baby? It wasn't born yesterday!

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Boy walks in on his dad masturbating. Never having seen anyone do this, he

says, "Daddy, what are you doing?" His dad replies, "Don't worry

son, you'll be doing it soon enough!" "Really? Why's that, Daddy?" "Well, my arm is getting tired..."

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

A husband and wife are getting ready for work. The husband gets out of the

shower, still naked walks through the house. His daughter sees him and

asks, "Daddy, when will I get one of those between my legs?" He says, "As

soon as your mother leaves for work." 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What has 3 legs, 2 arms and 5 heads? The finishing line of the Boston

marathon.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Who are the world's fastest readers? 9/11 victims, they went through 88

stories in 7 seconds.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

My uncle died on 9/11. He was on the flight that crashed into the

buildings. To me he was an uncle, but to the world, he was a brilliant

terrorist.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the difference between a boy scout and a Jew? The boy scout came

back from camp.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How do you get a Jewish girls number? Roll up her sleeve.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

A guy is walking to the bar to get a drink with his buddies when he

notices a girl by train tracks tied up. He runs to her, unties her and

they have sex. When he gets to the bar his friends ask why he's late and

he brags about all the sex he got when finally they asked him "did you get

any head?" He shook his head and said "nah, I couldn't find it."

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? None, because

feminists can't change anything.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

"Why are black people such good dancers? They spend their first nine

months dodging coat hangers."

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What do you do once you're finished raping Helen Keller? Break her

fingers so she can't tell anyone.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Child alone in his room, playing with his toys, when BAM! A time machine

appears. "Johnny! I'm you from the future!" "Really? Oh boy! What do I

grow up to be?!" "A pedophile," older Johnny says as he locks the door.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Why did the black guy walk into a bar? Because the cell door was

locked.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How long does it take a racist to take a shit? Nine months.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Why don't you ever hear jokes about Jonestown? Because the punchlines are

always too long.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What does a priest and a silver medalist have in common? They both came

in a little behind.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Why did Johnny keep falling off his rocking horse? Johnny died 6 months

ago and his parents still haven't come to terms with his death.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Woman gives birth to twins. The midwife says there's good news and bad

news. Bad news is one's ginger but the good news is it's dead.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

My girlfriend is into some really strange role-play when we have sex. She

always insists on pretending to be 12 years old. I don't get why, she'll

be 12 in a couple of years anyway.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

When Barack Obama was giving his speech after being elected as president,

he had to do it behind three inch thick bullet-proof glass. I thought that

was a bit harsh – just because he’s black doesn’t mean he’s going to shoot

anyone.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

My son asked me the other day how I feel about abortions. I told him to go

ask his sister. He said, "I don't have a sister". There's your answer.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the difference between a dead baby and a hurricane? You can't

rip the eye out of a hurricane and skull fuck it.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Getting girls to have sex with me is like getting ketchup out of a bottle. It's easy when I have a knife.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

 An Asian man gets into a cab and yells, "Quick, make like a Chinese

dad with his newborn baby daughter and step on it!"

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How do you fit four gay guys on a barstool? You turn it upside down.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

You know the girl you are sleeping with is too young for you when you have

to make the airplane noise just to get your cock in her mouth.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the difference between a white baby and a black baby? About 20

minutes in the microwave.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Q: What is good on pizza but bad on pussy? A: Crust

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What language do gay Jews speak? He-blew.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What do you call a gay midget? A low-blow.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the biggest crime committed by transvestites? Male fraud.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Why don't the blondes in San Francisco wear miniskirts? Their balls

show.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What did one gay guy say to the other gay guy before he went on vacation? Want me to help pack your shit?

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What does a silver medalist and a priest have in common? They both came

in a little behind.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What do you call five black people fucking? A threesome.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How many cancer patients does it take to change a light bulb? Twelve. 

One to change the lightbulb and 11 to say, "Aw he's so brave!"

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb? Well certainly

not 8 cause my basement is still dark.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

My ex girlfriend rang me up to say that she was HIV positive. The trick

is to always act surprised.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's better than winning gold at the Paralympics? Walking.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Why does the game 'Clue' not have a black character in it? Because then

it would be called 'Solved'.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Why do black guys have such large dicks? So they have something to play

with on Christmas.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What do you call an Ethiopian taking a shit? A showoff.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

So, I walk in on my daughter masturbating with a cucumber. I shout " Fuck,

seriously?" "I was going to eat that later, now it's just going to taste

like salad."

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

I was watching a film with my little boy earlier. He said, 'Dad I'm

scared, is that woman going to die?'. I said 'Judging on the size of that

horses cock, yes'.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What would Martin Luther King be if he wasn't black? Alive.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the difference between a Iraqi school and a Taliban training

center? I don't know either, I just control the drone.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What do Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker have in common? They both died

at 95.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

I tried to post that Paul Walker joke sooner, but my server kept crashing.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

I do not smoke after sex, second hand smoke is very dangerous for

children. What’s funnier than poisoning your kids? Convincing your

babysitter that they were ok before you went out.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

 Why was the pathologist fired? In one of his reports said: “Cause of

death: Autopsy” 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

My wife has the body of a 16 year old school girl.

She keeps it in the fridge. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

A guy walks into a shop:

 Hi, do you

sell bereavement postcards? Yes sir. Then could I exchange one for

this get well soon postcard I bought yesterday?

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the difference

between Paul Walker and a computer? I give a fuck when my computer

crashes. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

My Grandpa said, "Your

generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your

generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life

support. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What do you call a five

year old with no friends? A sandy hook survivor. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Jesus Christ fed 2,000

people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, but Adolf Hitler made 6

million Jews toast. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the worst thing

about breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb

twice before she gets the message. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's got 5 arms, 3

legs and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What did the boy with no

hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't

unwrapped his present. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How do Ethiopians

celebrate their kids first birthday? By putting flowers on the grave. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How did Rihanna find out

Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman's lipstick on

his knuckles. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How can you tell if your

wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Why do Mexicans never

have Sex Ed. and Driver's Ed. on the same day? They have to give the

donkey a break at some point. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Feminism 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

So I suggested to my

wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back… Which is apparently an

insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Most black 15 year-olds

in this country are decent, law abiding citizens. It's their kids who

cause all the trouble. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How many feminists does

it take to change a light bulb? Don't be stupid, feminists can't

change anything. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What is a pedophiles

favorite part about Halloween? Free delivery. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

So I painted my laptop

black, hoping it would run faster… Now it doesn't work. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What do you call 40

mexicans buried up to their neck in sand? A spicket fence. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How many women does it

take to screw in a lightbulb? None,they just sit in the dark and

bitch. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Did you hear about the

two car pile up in Mexico? 200 Mexicans died. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What kind of file do you

need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A pedophile. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's a pedophile's

favorite part of a hockey game? Before the First Period. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How many feminists does

it take to change a light bulb? One, she just holds the bulb to the

socket and waits for the world to revolve around her. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Girls are like

blackjack… I'm trying to go for 21 but I always hit on 14. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Why does Stephen Hawking

do one-liners? Because he can't do stand up. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Did you hear the Score

of the Egypt vs Ethiopia soccer game? Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn't. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How many cops does it

take to change a light bulb? They don't. They arrest the bulb for

being broke and beat the room for being black. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's 9 inches long,

pink, and makes my girlfriend scream when I put it in her mouth? Her

miscarriage. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

A Jew, a black, and a

Muslim are on a frozen lake, not talking to each other, so I thought I

would go over there and break the ice. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's difference

between dollars and Jews? I'd give a shit if I lost 6 million dollars. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Whats the difference

between George Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin? Zimmerman knew how to

dodge a bullet. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

One time I fucked this

chick so hard, she almost came back to life 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

I don't understand why

Obama has to give his speeches behind bullet proof glass. I mean, I

know he's black and all, but I doubt he'll shoot anyone. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the difference

between a Jew and harry potter? Harry can escape the chamber. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What do you call a woman

who thinks she can do anything a man can do? Wrong. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Whats the difference

between a hippie chick and a hockey player? A hockey player showers

after 3 periods. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What do Sarah Palin and

Iron Man have in common? They both had a downey jr inside of them. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's a word that white

people can call white people, but black people can't call black

people? Dad.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the most

difficult about being a paediatric surgeon? Keeping the scalpel steady

while masturbating. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

what do you call an

Ethiopian taking a shit? A showoff 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the difference

between a Mexican and Jesus Christ? Jesus doesn't have a tattoo of a

Mexican.. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's a pedophile's

favorite part of a hockey game? Before the First Period. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What do you say when you

see your T.V. floating in the middle of the night? Drop it, thief! 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Why are black people so

fast? Because all the slow one are in the jail. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Why do brides wear a

white dress? So that the dishwasher matches the washing machine. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's faster than a

black guy stealing your TV? His brother with your xbox. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the toughest

thing about eating bald pussy? Putting the diaper back on. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What do you call an

ethiopian with a bag of rice? A restaurant owner. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How can you tell if a

black woman is pregnant? Have her squat on a watermelon and check it

for teeth marks. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's 7 inches long and

hasn't been sucked in over 2 years? Whitney Houston's crack pipe. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the difference

between a 4 year old boy and a bag of cocaine? Eric Clapton wouldn't

let a bag of cocaine fall out a window. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the difference

between a woman and a computer? You can punch information into a

computer. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How do you make a gay

fuck a woman? Shit in her cunt. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What does a black guy

and an apple have in common? Both look great hanging from a tree. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">

The parents of the sandy

hook victims should of kept the Christmas receipts. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Have you ever had

Ethiopian food? Neither have they. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How do you start a rave

in Ethiopia? Staple food to the ceiling. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the hardest part

of watching a school bus full of kindergarteners go off a cliff? The

erection. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the difference

between a pair of jeans and an Ethiopian? A pair of jeans only has one

fly on it. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's faster than a

speeding bullet? A jew with a coupon. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How did Hitler kill so

many Jews? Free transportation. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the difference

between a baby and a watermelon? One is fun to shoot and the other is

fun to eat. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How do you stop a baby

from crawling in circles? Nail it's other hand to the floor. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How do you stop a

Mexican tank? You shoot the guy pushing it. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How do you fuck a

special person? You go down. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Why can't you fool an

aborted baby? Cause it wasn't born yesterday. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How do you turn a fruit

into a vegetable? AIDS. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Why can't Mexicans play

UNO? They steal all of green cards. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the worst thing

about being black and Jewish? Having to sit in the back of the oven. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What do fat chicks and

bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's pale, white, and

bounces up and down in a baby's crib? A pedophile's ass. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

 How do you get a white

girl to suck your dick? Put mayonnaise on it. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the difference

between a black guy and a pile of dog shit? Eventually the pile of dog

shit will turn white and stop stinking. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's better than

winning the WNBA championship? Peeing standing up. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What do a Muslim and a

sperm have in common? Both have a one in a million chance of becoming

a human being. 

</li>

</ol>







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Longest Post on the 4um!

Last Edit: Jan 26, 2015 19:10:39 GMT by Jarvis A. Agastine

ORDER UP!!!

Juan Handed Chef
Dumb Turtle

Posts: 67

Tasteless Joke Thread Jan 26, 2015 19:08:12 GMT

Quote

Post by Juan Handed Chef on Jan 26, 2015 19:08:12 GMT

Hermmmm Html plz? ctrl p that, ctrl v that... save as .html

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Just... don't read these, okay?  If you do read

them, don't fucking complain.



 

<ol>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a homosexual in a wheelchair?

Rolaids.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between a joke and two dicks?

You can't take a joke.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's black and screams? Stevie Wonder answering the

iron.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How many cops does it take to push a black man down

the stairs? None... he fell.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the best part of sex with a transvestite?

Reaching around and pretending it went all the way through.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between Hitler and Michael

Phelps? Phelps can finish a race.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



I ran into Hitler. I was surprised to see him and

asked him what he was up to? He said "This time I am going to kill 6

million Jews and two clowns!" "Two Clowns? Why are you going to kill two

clowns?" "See? Nobody cares about zee Jews."

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



A white woman and a black man are dancing at a club,

and after a while things start to get hot and heavy. After some heavy

kissing and petting, the woman makes the suggestion that they return to

her apartment for the night. When the couple arrives at the woman's apartment, they begin passionately

kissing and undressing each other, preparing to have frenzied and

unrepentant sex with each other. However, the white woman, curious as she was, asked the black guy as he

was taking off his pants, "before you take them off....is it true what

they say about black guys?" With a suave yet sinister look, he looked into her eyes and said "baby, of

course." He then proceeded to stab her and ran out with her purse.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?

I don't cry when I'm cutting up the hooker.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



A guy goes to a whorehouse and tells the madam he

only wants to spend 5 bucks. The madam thinks for a bit, then says,

"Betsy. She's down the hall, last door on the left." The guy walks down, sees Betsy -- she's not the best looking, but she

would do. He puts it in and it's the worst feeling he's ever had on his

dick -- like sandpaper and teeth. He pulls out and tells her. "Um.

something's wrong, can you do something about that?" Betsy crinkles her

face, then says, "Why of course! But it will run you another five bucks."

She pockets the fiver and goes to the bathroom and is back in no time. 

 The guy puts it back in and now, it's the complete opposite: it's the best

feeling he's ever had, and finishes in a flash. Panting, he asks her, "oh

my god... that felt amazing... what did you do??" Betsy smiles, and says,

"for the extra five bucks, I pick the scabs."

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What did the leper say to the prostitute? Keep the

tip!

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?

None.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What does a Jew with an erection get when he walks

into a wall? A broken nose.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's a Jew's biggest dilemma? Free ham.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do Jewish pedophiles say? "Hey kid, want to buy

some candy?"

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the worst thing about getting your keys locked

in your car outside an abortion clinic? Having to go in to ask for a coat

hanger.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Three pregnant women are sitting in a doctors waiting

room knitting. Mom 1 checks her watch and takes a pill "Vitamin C, good

for mom, good for baby." Mom 2 takes a pill and says, "Vitamin A, good for

mom, good for baby." Mom 3 takes a pill and says, "Thalidomide...I can't

knit sleeves."

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



I would tell a Casey Anthony joke, but my mom would

kill me...

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between a Catholic priest and

acne? Acne doesn't come on a boys face until he's 13.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



So I was balls deep in this guy thrusting as hard as

I could when I reached around to give him a hand job. Guess what? That

fucker had an erection. What. Queer.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



The worst part about being a pedophile is trying to

fit in.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



A man walks past girl with no arms or legs sitting by

a pool. The girl says to the man, "Excuse me sir, I've never been fucked

and in my condition no one would want to fuck me. Will you please fuck

me?" So the man kicks her into the pool and says, "There, you're fucked."

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



A guy called into work and says, "Hey, boss! 

What's the difference between work and your daughter?" ... "I'm not coming

into work this morning!"

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



God gave women yeast infections so that they would

know what it was like living with an irritating cunt for once.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of

your grandmother's pussy? Sucking out thirteen of them and realizing you

only put in a dozen.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What does a baby look like after a minute in the

microwave? I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



A baby seal walked into a club...

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



I was raping a woman the other night and she cried,

"Please, think of my children!" Kinky bitch.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Have you heard the joke about the baby with AIDS? It never gets old. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's so good about an Ethiopian blow job? You just KNOW she'll swallow. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



I lost my virginity to a retarded girl last night... I wanted my first

time to be special.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What does it taste like when you go down on an old

lady?  Depends...

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why did the semen cross the road? I wore the wrong

socks today.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Little Johnny is staying at his grandmother's house

for the weekend with his parents. He walks into their room in the middle

of the night and wakes his mother. His mother says "What is it Johnny?".

Little Johnny says "Grandma has a shrimpy"! His mother looks at him

puzzled. "She has a WHAT?" Johnny says "A Shrimpy!" His mother has no idea

what little Johnny is talking about. His mother says "Come show me what

you're talking about". Little Johnny leads his mother downstairs where his

85 year old grandmother is lying sprawled out on the sofa in her

night-gown. Her gown is wide open and so are her legs. She is sound

asleep. Johnny says to his mother "Look mommy, Grandma has a shrimpy". He

points to her vaginHis mother laughs. "No, no, Johnny, that's not a shrimpy. That's her vagina". Little Johnny looks up at his mother and says

"Wow! Sure does taste like shrimpy".

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between jam and jelly? I don't

jelly my cock down a bitches throat.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What is the difference between a gay guy and a

fridge? The fridge doesn't fart when you pull meat out.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you get a fat girl into bed?  Piece of

cake.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How are children like cellphones? If you've lost one

and haven't found it in a couple days, chances are it's probably dead.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between Sara Palin's mouth and

her vagina? Retarded things only come out of her vagina SOME of the time.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the best part about raping a baby?  It

makes your dick look HUGE!

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the best part about raping a four year old

boy?  Watching him cry on the witness stand.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How long does it take to cook a baby in a microwave? 

I don't know... I can't tell time with an erection.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between a priest and acne? 

Acne waits until puberty to come on a kid's face.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you get if you cross an elephant with a

poodle?   A dead poodle with an 18 inch wide asshole.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why does it take longer for a woman to orgasm than a

man?  Who cares?

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between a black guy and a

pizza?  A pizza can feed a family of four.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call four klansman pushing a pickup

truck?  White power.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a black guy who flies a plane? 

A pilot, you racist asshole!

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between a rock and a dead baby? 

You can't fuck a rock.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you say to a woman with two black eyes? 

Nothing... you already told her twice.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why do black men cry during sex?  Mace.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between a black guy and Batman? 

A black guy can't go out at night without Robin.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's white and fourteen inches long?  Nothing.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How many white guys does it take to screw in a

lightbulb?  The number doesn't matter because the white man will

screw anything.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What does a white woman make for dinner? 

Reservations.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a white guy surrounded by five black

guys?  Coach.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a white guy surrounded by eleven black guys? 

Football coach.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a white guy surrounded by hundreds of black guys? 

Warden.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a white woman with a yeast

infection?  Cracker with cheese.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What does a tampon and a white woman have in common? 

They're both stuck up cunts.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole

into a 40mm hole? A pedophile.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game?

Before the First Period. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you swat 200 flies at one time?  Hit an Ethiopian in the face

with a frying pan. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What is a redneck virgin?  A seven year old that can run faster than

her brothers. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? You would too if you were named

Auuurraaagggghhh! 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What is the most positive thing in harlem? HIV. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why do Jewish girls like to fuck doggy style? They can't stand to see

somebody else have a good time. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? One stops sucking

when you slap it. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between a British man and his girlfriend? His

girlfriend has a higher sperm count.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why is there so little Puerto Rican literature? Because spray paint wasn't

invented until 1949. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you know if a Chinese person robs your house? Your homework is

done, your computer is upgraded, but two hours later, the fucker is still

trying to back out of your driveway. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the first thing a redneck says after losing her virginity? Get off

of me Dad, you're crushing my cigarettes. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do rednecks and KFC have in common? They do chicken right. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



In Kentucky, what do divorces and tornados have in common? Either way,

someone is going to lose a trailer. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why do the Scottish wear kilts? Because a sheep can hear a zipper from

like a mile away. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What does a Cuban do when he gets a flat tire? Drowns 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Two Muslims jump off the top of a very tall

building. Which one his the ground first? Who gives a fuck? 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's so good about an Ethiopian blow-job? You know she'll swallow. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why did the redneck cross the road? Because he couldn't get his dick out

of the chicken. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection? Quarter pounder with

cheese. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you kill 100 Mexicans? Blow up their van. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call five Mexicans on the bottom of a pool? Cinco 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's black and blue and hates sex? A rape victim. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between a blonde and a washing machine? They both

drip when they're fucked. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What did the little black boy say when he got diarrhea? I'm melting! 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a fat Chinese person? A chunk. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What did the little Mexican boy get for Christmas? My bike. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How are fat bitches and Mo-peds the same? They are both fun to ride, but

you don't tell your friends about them. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How many house wives does it take to screw in a light bulb? None! what the

Fuck they doing out of the kitchen!? 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you blindfold a chinese person? Dental floss. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn't scream

when you put it in the oven! 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why do black people play basketball? They can run, shoot, and steal 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What did Adolf Hitler get his neice for her birthday? An easy bake oven. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between St. Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King

Day? On St. Patrick's Day, everyone wants to be Irish. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call an Ethiopian on a hunger strike? Ethiopian 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why don't Puerto Ricans have check books? Because it's impossible to sign

your name that small with spray paint. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you know when a redneck has her period? She's only wearing one

sock. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call an Ethiopian with buck teeth? A rake. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you stop 5 black guys from raping a white girl? Throw them a basket

ball. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a hooker with a runny nose? Full 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Whats the difference between a Pakie & a bucket of shit? The bucket.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call two Ethiopians in a sleeping bag? Twix.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you get 100 ethiopians into a phone box? Throw

a tin of beans in.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you get them out? Run past with a tin opener. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you do after you rape a 12 year old deaf dumb and blind girl?

Break her fingers so she cant tell her mom. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why doesn't Mexico enter the Olympics? Because all their best runners,

jumpers and swimmers are in America. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How did the Grand Canyon get there? Two Jews dropped a quarter down a

gopher hole. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you kill a redneck? Wait 'till he fucks his sister then cut the

brakes on his house. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you kill 100 Ethiopians? Throw a Biscuit off a cliff. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you do when you see someone having a seizure in a bathtub? Throw

in a load of dirty laundry. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is

made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with. The other is

used to carry groceries. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you really piss off your girlfriend while having sex? Call her on

the phone. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What did the pedophile say when he was released from prison?  "I feel

like a kid again." 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you get when cross an Italian with a gorilla?  A retarded

gorilla. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why could Jesus walk on water? Shit Floats. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you get wne you cross a black man and a Mexican.  A person

who's too lazy to steal. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What was good about the million man march? Only three people missed work. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you do when your woman's watch breaks? Nothing there's a clock on

the stove. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek? They won't work in the

future either. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do gay guys call an upside down chair?   A table for four.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the useless skin around a vagina called? The

woman. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why are KFC and a woman the same? When you're done eating them all you

have left is a greasy box to put your bone in. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you keep an Indian out of your back yard?  Move the trash cans

to the front. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why did God give women three more brain cells than cows? So they don't

shit on the floor while doing the dishes.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why is Tylenol white?  It works. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why do Jews have big noses?  Because air is free. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's a homeless woman use for a vibrator?  Two flies in a bottle. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why was Helen Keller such a bad driver? She was a woman 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Do you wanna hear a joke?  Women's Rights. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the new definition for mass confusion?  Fathers day in Harlem. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why shouldn't women have driver's licenses? There's no roads between the

kitchen and the bedroom. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a Mexican with a sunburn? A REFRIED BEAN 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a white Orgy? A snowball

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a Black Orgy? Mud Wrestling

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a Mexican Orgy? FAMILY REUNION! 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between a Jew and a Canoe? A canoe tips 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do 3 million abused women do wrong every year? They don't fucking

listen 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the worst thing about eating vegetables? Putting them back in the

wheelchair when you're done. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the chin. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a bunch of white guys running down a hill? An avalanche.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a bunch of black guys running down a hill? A mudslide

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a bunch of mexicans running down a hill? A jailbreak 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



I'm not racist, I have a color TV. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why does helen keller masturbate with one hand? So she can moan with the

other 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?  Yea,

they named it, Sum Ting Wong!! 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Have you heard about the new car designed by the Jews? It stops on a dime

and then picks it up. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call four Mexicans in quicksand?  Cuatro cinco. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How many irish does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two!  One to

hold it in place and the other to drink intill the room spins. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Did you hear about the two car pile up in Mexico?  200 Mexicans died. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?  None, they just

sit in the dark and bitch. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What is the difference between a Russian and a bag of shit?  Nothing. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?  You

can unscrew a light bulb. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the best thing about fucking homeless girls? When you're done, you

can drop 'em off anywhere. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do fags call their balls?  "Mud flaps" 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What happens when you stick your hand in a bowl full of black jelly beans? 

You get your watch stolen. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's long and hard on a black man?  The first grade. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why did Raggedy Ann get kicked out of the toy box?  She sat on

Pinocchio' s face and said "lie to me!" 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury dough boy? 

A red headed bitch with a yeast infection. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you get a nun pregnant?  Dress her up like an altar boy. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why can't Stevie Wonder read?  Because he's black. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you do when your dishwasher doesn't work?  Slap her.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why did the feminist cross the road?  To suck my

cock.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a gay guy in a sleeping bag?  A

fruit roll up.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



If a black guy, a Mexican, and a redneck are all in a

car together, who's driving?   The police.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's better than taking home the gold in the

Special Olympics?   Not being retarded!

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do priests and Santa Claus have in common? 

They both leave little boy's rooms with empty sacks.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Studies show that 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why does Jesus hate M&Ms?  They keep falling

through his hands.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a

Disney movie?  Disney movies can still touch little kids.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Oxymorons: Loving God, airplane good, government

intelligence, religious tolerance, and black people.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a barn full of elderly black people? 

Antique farm equipment.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you get a one-armed Scotsman out of a tree? 

Wave.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why don't Afghan schools teach drivers ed and sex ed

the same day?  The camel would get too tired.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How is locking your keys in your car like getting

your girlfriend pregnant?  The problem is easily solved with a coat

hanger.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a black woman who has had a dozen

abortions?  A crime fighter.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



A man enters a pharmacy and asks for birth control

pills for his wife and his seven year-old daughter. The pharmacist is a

little shocked and says, "Your seven year-old daughter is sexually

active!?" "No," replies the man. "She just sort of lays there."

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Did you hear about the guy who was into sadism,

necrophilia, and bestiality?  He gave it up because he was flogging a

dead horse.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



An Indian man dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates. "Yes, how can I help?" asks St Peter. "I’m here to meet Jesus," says the Indian man. St Peter looks over his shoulder and shouts, "Jesus, your cab is here!"

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why is a truckload of babies different from a

truckload of babies?  You can't unload a truckload of bowling balls

with a pitchfork.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's red, slimy, and crawls up a woman's leg? 

A homesick abortion.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do I get when I stab a baby with a knife? 

An erection.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a redneck with two sheep?  A

pimp.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How many times does a redneck laugh at a joke? 

Three times:  Once when it's told, once when it's explained, and once

when he finally gets it.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why are murders easy to commit in West Virginia? 

Because everyone there has the same DNA.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why would you wrap a hamster in duct tape?  So

it won't explode when you fuck it!

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Did you hear about the new birth control they've

introduced to West Virginia?  They've b& family reunions!

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



My girlfriend told me I was a pedophile.  That's

an awfully big word for a nine year-old.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the definition of a woman?  Life support

system for pussy.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the worst way to spend Easter?  Getting

crucified.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do they separate men from boys in San Francisco? 

With a crowbar.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a redneck who does well on an IQ

test?  A cheater.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you get a racist to laugh on a Sunday? Tell

them a joke on Friday. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between a racist and a bucket of shit? The bucket. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why is a racist like a drunk? Because whatever they say ends in a slur. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why is a racist like a dog? Because they both mark out territory by

spraying walls. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's red and white and peels itself? A white supremacist trying to get a

suntan. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the definition of confused? A white supremacist watching the mens

100m sprint. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you get when you cross a white supremacist with a donkey? Someone

who thinks the sun shines out of their own ass. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why is a white supremacist like the announcer at track meet? Because they

both start shouting the instant they see a new race. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between a schoolyard racist and Adolf Hitler?

Opportunity. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What are the best four years of a redneck's life? Sixth grade. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why do white supremacists hang around in gangs? So they can form a dope

ring. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why didn't the white supremacist cross the road? She was afraid of the

other side. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How many white supremacists does it take to change a light bulb? None -

racists hate being enlightened. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Have you heard about the white supremacist who choked on his yoghurt?

Someone told him it grew out of a foreign culture. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why do white supremacists compete with others on the basis of color?

Because if they competed on brains, they'd lose. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why did the white supremacists punch out the immigrants? Because if you

can't join 'em, beat 'em. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How many men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Let the bitch do the ironing in the dark. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How many women does it take to change a light bulb? 11, 10 to form a

committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to do it. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How many divorced Men does it take to screw in a light bulb? Who knows;

they never get the house. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How many divorced Women does it take to screw in a light bulb? 4,1 to

screw in the bulb, 3 to form a support group.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What is the difference between a battery and a woman?

A battery has a positive side. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What does a beer bottle and a guy have in common? There both empty from

the neck up. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the best thing about a blow job? Ten minutes silence. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why do men have a hole in their penis? So they can get air to their brain. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's a man's idea of safe sex? A padded headboard.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the smartest thing to come out of a woman's

mouth? Einstein's cock. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it! 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why does the bride always wear white? Because it is good for the

dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why do hunters make the best lovers? Because they go deep in the bush,

shoot more than once and they eat what they shoot. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How can you tell which is the head nurse? The one with the dirty knees. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a

positive side. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Did you hear about the new paint called "Blonde" paint? It's not very

bright, but it spreads easy. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A hooker can

wash her crack and sell it again! 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? When you take it off you

wonder where her tits went. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



Why do men pay more than women for car insurance? Because women don't get

blow jobs while they're driving. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you piss off a female archeologist?? Give her a used tampon and ask

her what period it comes from 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the

time she brings it to you.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How do you know when a woman’s about to say something

smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What do you call a white man who can dance? 

Gay.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



The best kind of sex is makeup sex.  It also

assures that son doesn't pick fights with me anymore.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



A devout man calls his mom and says, "Mom, I've got

some good news and some bad news...  The good new is, I've been

elected Pope!"  The mother screams in delight for a few minutes and

then says, "What's the bad news?"  The man says, "The bad news is, I

have to move to an Italian neighborhood."

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between snot and cauliflower? 

 Kids will eat snot.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



When I was young I used to struggle keeping my colors

inside the lines. At my new job at Immigration Control however, they do as

they're fucking told.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



I gave my blind grandmother a guide dog named "Sit." 

Now it won't take her anywhere.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What do you call 50 Puerto Ricans in a room with 50 lesbians?  A

hundred people who won't do dick!

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What does a barn and an alter boy have in common?  They've both

probably had a cock inside them.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

A guy tells his wife that he's going fishing.  His wife starts to

complain because she says he never takes her anywhere, so he tells her,

"Fine, you can come fishing with me and the dog tomorrow!"  The next

morning, the husband wakes up and wakes his wife.  Now she's seen

that her manipulation has worked a little too well and says, "I don't want

to go fishing."  The husband is upset.  "You bitched and whined

about wanting to go somewhere with me and now you don't want to go?  

Fine, you don't have to go... but you're either going to suck my dick or

you're going to let me fuck you in the ass."  The wife says, "Let me

think about it for a minute."  The husband agrees and he leaves her

to get things ready for his trip.  She he comes back, she says, "I

don't want to go fishing and I'm not about to let you fuck me in the ass,

so I guess I'll just suck your dick."  He whips it out and she starts

sucking, but then stops. "Jesus Christ!  Your dick tastes like shit!" 

The husband says, "Yeah, the dog didn't want to go fishing either."

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 25px; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); display: inline !important; float: none;">Why did the kindergartener drop his book? Assault rifle rounds do make you

drop things.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 25px; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); display: inline !important; float: none;">Africans have the best drinking games. Like; the last one to find the

water dies…

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



How many Mexicans does it take to build a fence? 

I don't know... I only own blacks.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



“I’ve got a new nickname for you,” I told my

wife today. “What is it?” she asked. “Bambi,” I replied. “Aww, is that

‘cause I’ve got beautiful eyes?” she asked. “No, it’s because I’ve just

killed your mom,” I replied.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



What's the difference between a hamburger and a

dead baby? I don't fuck the hamburger before I eat it.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the difference between a baby and a washing machine?  A

washing machine doesn't cry when you drop a load in it.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Gay jokes are never funny.  Cum on guys!

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Three pregnant women are knitting sweaters for their babies at the OB/GYN

waiting room.  The first one takes a pill out of her purse and says,

"I want my baby to have a strong nervous system, so I'm taking a folate

pill." The second one takes a pill out of her purse and says, "I want my

baby to have healthy blood, so I'm taking an iron pill." The third one

takes a pill out of her purse and says, "This is thalidomide." The other

two women look in horror. "WHY?!" The third one calmly replies, "I just

fucked up the sleeves on this sweater."

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

I really hate how politically correct the world is getting. I cant even

say "Black paint" anymore, I have to say "Hey Jamal, can you please paint

that wall for me?"

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

A father walks into a pharmacy, goes to the counter and asks the

pharmacist about getting birth control for his 11 year old daughter. "My

god, your 11 year old is sexually active!" the pharmacist exclaims. The

dad replies "not really, she just lies there and cries."

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

"Your generation is too reliant on technology," said my grandpa. "No, your

generation is too reliant on technology," I retorted as I pulled the plug

on his life support to further prove my point.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How is a tumbleweed a lot like a gay guy? They blow and blow until they

end up stuck on a fence in Wyoming

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's America's oldest red wine? "I want my land back!"

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

My wife walked in on me fucking our daughter. I don't know which made her

more surprised, that I was fucking our daughter or the fact the hospital

let me keep the stillborn.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How does every black joke start?

 With a look over your shoulder.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How do you kill 15 flies at once? Slap an African child in the face

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Well,

obviously not eight because my basement is still dark.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline? I take my

shoes off when I jump on the trampoline.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: rgb(253, 253, 255); display: inline !important; float: none;">How do you make a dead baby look cute?

 Staple it to a puppy.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">



<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: rgb(253, 253, 255); display: inline !important; float: none;">What's worse than stapling a baby to a wall? Ripping it off.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Why can't you fool an aborted baby? It wasn't born yesterday!

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Boy walks in on his dad masturbating. Never having seen anyone do this, he

says, "Daddy, what are you doing?" His dad replies, "Don't worry

son, you'll be doing it soon enough!" "Really? Why's that, Daddy?" "Well, my arm is getting tired..."

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

A husband and wife are getting ready for work. The husband gets out of the

shower, still naked walks through the house. His daughter sees him and

asks, "Daddy, when will I get one of those between my legs?" He says, "As

soon as your mother leaves for work." 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What has 3 legs, 2 arms and 5 heads? The finishing line of the Boston

marathon.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Who are the world's fastest readers? 9/11 victims, they went through 88

stories in 7 seconds.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

My uncle died on 9/11. He was on the flight that crashed into the

buildings. To me he was an uncle, but to the world, he was a brilliant

terrorist.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the difference between a boy scout and a Jew? The boy scout came

back from camp.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How do you get a Jewish girls number? Roll up her sleeve.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

A guy is walking to the bar to get a drink with his buddies when he

notices a girl by train tracks tied up. He runs to her, unties her and

they have sex. When he gets to the bar his friends ask why he's late and

he brags about all the sex he got when finally they asked him "did you get

any head?" He shook his head and said "nah, I couldn't find it."

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? None, because

feminists can't change anything.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

"Why are black people such good dancers? They spend their first nine

months dodging coat hangers."

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What do you do once you're finished raping Helen Keller? Break her

fingers so she can't tell anyone.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Child alone in his room, playing with his toys, when BAM! A time machine

appears. "Johnny! I'm you from the future!" "Really? Oh boy! What do I

grow up to be?!" "A pedophile," older Johnny says as he locks the door.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Why did the black guy walk into a bar? Because the cell door was

locked.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How long does it take a racist to take a shit? Nine months.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Why don't you ever hear jokes about Jonestown? Because the punchlines are

always too long.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What does a priest and a silver medalist have in common? They both came

in a little behind.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Why did Johnny keep falling off his rocking horse? Johnny died 6 months

ago and his parents still haven't come to terms with his death.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Woman gives birth to twins. The midwife says there's good news and bad

news. Bad news is one's ginger but the good news is it's dead.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

My girlfriend is into some really strange role-play when we have sex. She

always insists on pretending to be 12 years old. I don't get why, she'll

be 12 in a couple of years anyway.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

When Barack Obama was giving his speech after being elected as president,

he had to do it behind three inch thick bullet-proof glass. I thought that

was a bit harsh – just because he’s black doesn’t mean he’s going to shoot

anyone.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

My son asked me the other day how I feel about abortions. I told him to go

ask his sister. He said, "I don't have a sister". There's your answer.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the difference between a dead baby and a hurricane? You can't

rip the eye out of a hurricane and skull fuck it.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Getting girls to have sex with me is like getting ketchup out of a bottle. It's easy when I have a knife.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

 An Asian man gets into a cab and yells, "Quick, make like a Chinese

dad with his newborn baby daughter and step on it!"

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How do you fit four gay guys on a barstool? You turn it upside down.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

You know the girl you are sleeping with is too young for you when you have

to make the airplane noise just to get your cock in her mouth.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the difference between a white baby and a black baby? About 20

minutes in the microwave.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Q: What is good on pizza but bad on pussy? A: Crust

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What language do gay Jews speak? He-blew.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What do you call a gay midget? A low-blow.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the biggest crime committed by transvestites? Male fraud.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Why don't the blondes in San Francisco wear miniskirts? Their balls

show.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What did one gay guy say to the other gay guy before he went on vacation? Want me to help pack your shit?

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What does a silver medalist and a priest have in common? They both came

in a little behind.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What do you call five black people fucking? A threesome.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How many cancer patients does it take to change a light bulb? Twelve. 

One to change the lightbulb and 11 to say, "Aw he's so brave!"

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb? Well certainly

not 8 cause my basement is still dark.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

My ex girlfriend rang me up to say that she was HIV positive. The trick

is to always act surprised.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's better than winning gold at the Paralympics? Walking.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Why does the game 'Clue' not have a black character in it? Because then

it would be called 'Solved'.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Why do black guys have such large dicks? So they have something to play

with on Christmas.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What do you call an Ethiopian taking a shit? A showoff.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

So, I walk in on my daughter masturbating with a cucumber. I shout " Fuck,

seriously?" "I was going to eat that later, now it's just going to taste

like salad."

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

I was watching a film with my little boy earlier. He said, 'Dad I'm

scared, is that woman going to die?'. I said 'Judging on the size of that

horses cock, yes'.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What would Martin Luther King be if he wasn't black? Alive.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the difference between a Iraqi school and a Taliban training

center? I don't know either, I just control the drone.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What do Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker have in common? They both died

at 95.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

I tried to post that Paul Walker joke sooner, but my server kept crashing.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

I do not smoke after sex, second hand smoke is very dangerous for

children. What’s funnier than poisoning your kids? Convincing your

babysitter that they were ok before you went out.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

 Why was the pathologist fired? In one of his reports said: “Cause of

death: Autopsy” 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

My wife has the body of a 16 year old school girl.

She keeps it in the fridge. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

A guy walks into a shop:

 Hi, do you

sell bereavement postcards? Yes sir. Then could I exchange one for

this get well soon postcard I bought yesterday?

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the difference

between Paul Walker and a computer? I give a fuck when my computer

crashes. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

My Grandpa said, "Your

generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your

generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life

support. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What do you call a five

year old with no friends? A sandy hook survivor. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Jesus Christ fed 2,000

people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, but Adolf Hitler made 6

million Jews toast. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the worst thing

about breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb

twice before she gets the message. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's got 5 arms, 3

legs and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What did the boy with no

hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't

unwrapped his present. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How do Ethiopians

celebrate their kids first birthday? By putting flowers on the grave. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How did Rihanna find out

Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman's lipstick on

his knuckles. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How can you tell if your

wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Why do Mexicans never

have Sex Ed. and Driver's Ed. on the same day? They have to give the

donkey a break at some point. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Feminism 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

So I suggested to my

wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back… Which is apparently an

insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Most black 15 year-olds

in this country are decent, law abiding citizens. It's their kids who

cause all the trouble. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How many feminists does

it take to change a light bulb? Don't be stupid, feminists can't

change anything. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What is a pedophiles

favorite part about Halloween? Free delivery. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

So I painted my laptop

black, hoping it would run faster… Now it doesn't work. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What do you call 40

mexicans buried up to their neck in sand? A spicket fence. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How many women does it

take to screw in a lightbulb? None,they just sit in the dark and

bitch. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Did you hear about the

two car pile up in Mexico? 200 Mexicans died. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What kind of file do you

need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A pedophile. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's a pedophile's

favorite part of a hockey game? Before the First Period. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How many feminists does

it take to change a light bulb? One, she just holds the bulb to the

socket and waits for the world to revolve around her. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Girls are like

blackjack… I'm trying to go for 21 but I always hit on 14. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Why does Stephen Hawking

do one-liners? Because he can't do stand up. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Did you hear the Score

of the Egypt vs Ethiopia soccer game? Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn't. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How many cops does it

take to change a light bulb? They don't. They arrest the bulb for

being broke and beat the room for being black. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's 9 inches long,

pink, and makes my girlfriend scream when I put it in her mouth? Her

miscarriage. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

A Jew, a black, and a

Muslim are on a frozen lake, not talking to each other, so I thought I

would go over there and break the ice. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's difference

between dollars and Jews? I'd give a shit if I lost 6 million dollars. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Whats the difference

between George Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin? Zimmerman knew how to

dodge a bullet. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

One time I fucked this

chick so hard, she almost came back to life 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

I don't understand why

Obama has to give his speeches behind bullet proof glass. I mean, I

know he's black and all, but I doubt he'll shoot anyone. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the difference

between a Jew and harry potter? Harry can escape the chamber. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What do you call a woman

who thinks she can do anything a man can do? Wrong. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Whats the difference

between a hippie chick and a hockey player? A hockey player showers

after 3 periods. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What do Sarah Palin and

Iron Man have in common? They both had a downey jr inside of them. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's a word that white

people can call white people, but black people can't call black

people? Dad.

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the most

difficult about being a paediatric surgeon? Keeping the scalpel steady

while masturbating. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

what do you call an

Ethiopian taking a shit? A showoff 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the difference

between a Mexican and Jesus Christ? Jesus doesn't have a tattoo of a

Mexican.. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's a pedophile's

favorite part of a hockey game? Before the First Period. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What do you say when you

see your T.V. floating in the middle of the night? Drop it, thief! 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Why are black people so

fast? Because all the slow one are in the jail. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Why do brides wear a

white dress? So that the dishwasher matches the washing machine. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's faster than a

black guy stealing your TV? His brother with your xbox. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the toughest

thing about eating bald pussy? Putting the diaper back on. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What do you call an

ethiopian with a bag of rice? A restaurant owner. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How can you tell if a

black woman is pregnant? Have her squat on a watermelon and check it

for teeth marks. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's 7 inches long and

hasn't been sucked in over 2 years? Whitney Houston's crack pipe. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the difference

between a 4 year old boy and a bag of cocaine? Eric Clapton wouldn't

let a bag of cocaine fall out a window. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the difference

between a woman and a computer? You can punch information into a

computer. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How do you make a gay

fuck a woman? Shit in her cunt. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What does a black guy

and an apple have in common? Both look great hanging from a tree. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">

The parents of the sandy

hook victims should of kept the Christmas receipts. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Have you ever had

Ethiopian food? Neither have they. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How do you start a rave

in Ethiopia? Staple food to the ceiling. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the hardest part

of watching a school bus full of kindergarteners go off a cliff? The

erection. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the difference

between a pair of jeans and an Ethiopian? A pair of jeans only has one

fly on it. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's faster than a

speeding bullet? A jew with a coupon. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How did Hitler kill so

many Jews? Free transportation. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the difference

between a baby and a watermelon? One is fun to shoot and the other is

fun to eat. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How do you stop a baby

from crawling in circles? Nail it's other hand to the floor. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How do you stop a

Mexican tank? You shoot the guy pushing it. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How do you fuck a

special person? You go down. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Why can't you fool an

aborted baby? Cause it wasn't born yesterday. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

How do you turn a fruit

into a vegetable? AIDS. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

Why can't Mexicans play

UNO? They steal all of green cards. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the worst thing

about being black and Jewish? Having to sit in the back of the oven. 



</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What do fat chicks and

bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's pale, white, and

bounces up and down in a baby's crib? A pedophile's ass. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

 How do you get a white

girl to suck your dick? Put mayonnaise on it. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's the difference

between a black guy and a pile of dog shit? Eventually the pile of dog

shit will turn white and stop stinking. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What's better than

winning the WNBA championship? Peeing standing up. 

</li>

<li dir="ltr">

What do a Muslim and a

sperm have in common? Both have a one in a million chance of becoming

a human being. 

</li>

</ol>







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allworld New Bot Posts: 6	Tasteless Joke Thread Dec 26, 2019 7:09:37 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by allworld on Dec 26, 2019 7:09:37 GMT wtf

allworld New Bot Posts: 6	Tasteless Joke Thread Dec 26, 2019 7:09:57 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by allworld on Dec 26, 2019 7:09:57 GMT that's strong

Tasteless Joke Thread

Post by Jarvis A. Agastine on Jan 22, 2015 19:00:46 GMT

Post by Juan Handed Chef on Jan 22, 2015 19:03:31 GMT

Post by GamerGurl on Jan 22, 2015 19:03:43 GMT

Post by php(JT) on Jan 22, 2015 19:04:39 GMT

Post by Jarvis A. Agastine on Jan 22, 2015 19:05:33 GMT

Post by Juan Handed Chef on Jan 22, 2015 19:06:33 GMT

Post by Juan Handed Chef on Jan 22, 2015 19:08:05 GMT

Post by Jarvis A. Agastine on Jan 22, 2015 19:08:25 GMT

Post by Jarvis A. Agastine on Jan 22, 2015 19:10:00 GMT

Post by Jarvis A. Agastine on Jan 22, 2015 19:12:20 GMT

Post by Jarvis A. Agastine on Jan 26, 2015 17:55:40 GMT

Post by Juan Handed Chef on Jan 26, 2015 17:57:19 GMT

Post by Jarvis A. Agastine on Jan 26, 2015 17:58:04 GMT

Post by Juan Handed Chef on Jan 26, 2015 19:07:48 GMT

Post by Juan Handed Chef on Jan 26, 2015 19:08:12 GMT

Post by allworld on Dec 26, 2019 7:09:37 GMT

Post by allworld on Dec 26, 2019 7:09:57 GMT

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